Hamster Dance!!

Maplestory? or is it just a story?

Come to think about it,i have been playing maplestory for a few months. I love the game, but i hate the idea of playing it. It depresses ppl who cared for me, i hate to do that. I don't know, when i was sticking with audition i didn't have that feeling, but when it is maplestory, i felt sick. You might want to ask why are u still playing it when u felt unpleasant? My answer is: I felt contented there.
It's not about the whole hack-protecting system or the nice-music-background-cash-shop, it's about the ppl in this game and the world that the game have created for us. Yes, to lure us, i know. Many ppl toke this as home and they eventually neglected who they really loved, but it's only because they don't felt loved in the real world. They are lack of sth, sth important to them, a pride maybe? a satisfiction perhaps? a feeling of belong and responsibility, that's not what they are allowed in real life, in the reality. Thus, they seek for it in the computer game, the virtuality, something that seemed to be true but isn't, something that make u feel safe but actually designed to make u feel empty. The more empty u get, the more u want to stay in this world, because it has became the only hope and reason for you, the only future of urs, nothing matters more then this and nothing can win your loyalty towards this dazzling trap.
So why did i remained in this scary place when i know what is happening? I admit,i am lured to it,i don't know if i addicted to it but if i did,i would not be here talking endlessly to a machine. I just needed something to hear me, something that i can confess to, ( zzz, coco, stop it, it's definitely not u! ) and the computer seemed to be the best audience of mine, something that can keep a secret and something that can be trusted ( yea, and in the end coco still got to read it ) it doesn't matter anyways, cos if u are not the guy that i am talking about, if u are not the one that i truly want to confess to, all these are useless.So just sit tight and listen tentatively ( quietly at the same time, thx ).
When i first started this game, i thought i can lose it easily. Really, just liked what i did when i played audition, i didn't addict to it, i didn't sank into that cruel virtuality. I won that battle, i succeeded in getting ride of it( well, cos there's something wrong about the software and i just cant fix it ) So anyways, i didn't miss it at all when i left( is that because i started to play maplestory? oh, nvm! ) I started maplestory with curiousity ( that's nothing wrong, right! ) but i soon found out that this world is completely different from the one in audition. This world is a warmer and nicer one ( not saying it's lovable,cos ppl still scold bad words ) and u can actually found many pleasant little details about it. It's like when u leveled up, and when u received generous guildance from a pro and when u won a battle all by urself, all these little sprinkles of ingredient make me feel contented, what i truly cared is not this game, but how i felt when i am playing it. And above all these, I found a true fren, someone that really understood me, someone that make me feel secured and warm,Incand3scent. I met in when doing a quest. I was totally lost and pissed off. Nobody seemed to care anyhow, they just passed by me like i am nothing but air to them, everyone except Incand3scent. He lead me to the correct way and helped me with my quest, he even gave me some equips. I was jubilant and grateful, so i added him on my bl. At that tiime,I wondered why he helped me rather then going away, like any pro would do, and he wasted half his afternoon finishing off stumps just to help me to complete and quest. I even felt ashamed and uncomfortable when he did that,discreetly wishing him to go offline or leave.But when days passed, we got to know each other more. He was gentle and nice, and helped me many times when i didn't know what to do. But when i asked him if he got any hobbies or dreams, he said "no". And when i inquired for a reason, he simply said i would understand much later. Something about him told me that he was not having an easy life, or at least he didn't love what he's having. He was pessimistic and hurt,but yet so perfectly normal.( i mean, he plays maple right? that's supposed to be a relaxing and childish game and ppl who plays it are either childish or too relaxed)I wanted to know more but rejected every time. Soon the pressure arrived, i was continuously blamed for playing maplestory so long and i thought i deserve that. I should fall for this trap, this hideous and unreal trap that many teenagers have fallen into. I decided to say good bye to Incand3scent and all my other frens, but to my disappointment, he wasn't on9. He used to on9 in afternoon and at night but suddenly, everything about him was silent and vanishing. He left no traces of hint, or clue, or messages, he seemed to left this game, this world, this trap, and fell asleep. But why? This world matters to him! I know it does, because when i asked him why he had chosen maplestory rather then his family and frens that he once said he cherished, he replied he was "silly". And i said "you're not, it's just that u wanted to escape, like i do. You wanted to live in another environment and another style, you wanted to get something that u cant reach in reality here, like everyone does." He felt silent and said "yes" and then he felt silent agn. Was it because of my words he started to give up? Was it because of my boostful speech about escaping into emptiness made him realise that it's time to quit? Well, if he's ready for it, so am i. I am always ready to leave, to delete this software and quit this game, i am just waiting for him, wanting him to leave with me, so i won't have to endure all these loniless and emptiness myself. I just needed a fren, and that's all. But did he thought of it? Or he just left because he have to, or need to. I kept telling myself that he will never do this but yet everything is possible. Maybe he didn't care about me that much, and thought i would do fine without him. Well...i am alright,but i sincerely hope he could be back. All these wonderful yet short memories that were engraved in my heart prevented me from forgetting him. I don't want to forget him, i want him,my fren back. Maybe he didn't know how eager i am,and maybe he wouldn't know that i was talking about him right now,but even if he didn't,it's fine.Like what many ppl said, the further you stay away from virtuality,the safer you are.To me,he's part of the virtuality.However,the further he is from me,the more upset i got.Time will wash away everything and i have started to feel its power already.But like what i said,i don't want to forget about him,i want to cherish him as a fren and i want him to know that i care.

Hmm~

Well...i got my Guzheng result, it turned out to be quite good!( at least to me ) Cheer Vee got a higher score and she was so happy about it. ( lol? ) Anyways, i am continuing my Guzheng lessons( why? i don't know, maybe i felt fluttered and wanted to do better )I really liked Guzheng to tell the truth, and it's just that i thought i would felt ashamed if i didn't do well( lol, don't laugh )I think the whole movie promise will not be granted, but who cares?We should learn to cherish what we had,right? That's something that i learned from a very good fren of mine.
So, just continue to work hard~!

Guzheng. Exams Result. Secondary School. New Beginning.

Guess wat? I just had my Guzheng Grade6 Examination! I don't think it was a terrific performance and i was almost sure that i would lose my distinction, now i was just hoping for a decent merit. And~~~I got my PSLE results!! ^^
Well...it's quite good.( not the 290 sort of good ) Actually i expected more then that, but nevermind, this could satisfy me too. Anyways...Mum was totally happy about it ( i only i could get a few marks more ) and it was just nice to fit Dunman's requirement. I hope i could get in. Grandpa and Grandma were persistent that i go to Nanyang because it was visited by prime minister of China, Hu Jing Tao. Well~~~fine...I appreciate their support...and don't blame me if i cant get in.
Think about it~~~even if i got into those fancy schools, i would be in the last class. Well...not that i minded the face thing, i have got used to the environment of staying in first class, with every teacher reminding us that we are the "best" in Hong Wen. I think i would felt very discouraged if i got into last class in Dunman. ( But again, it's Dunman's last class! And don't forget they have a huge library!! It's fantastic!!! )
And also...i wondered what will happen if i joined Dunman's Guzheng team. It would be awakward. The girl who you kicked in DSA came back~~~LOL, i felt contented about this idea...but i don't think the Guzhen teacher would. In fact, i didn't like him so much. If only it could be some one nice and young like Peng Lao Shi...then i would love to join the team!! ( well...it's a "Gold-Of-Honour" Guzheng team afterall ) I wondered if i would fit in in the new school. I always stick with Coco,Momo, and Nono from the past, but now, without them and without the foolish jokes and silly tricks, i doubted my social ability. Maybe i will...maybe i will find a place somehow and somewhat, and maybe i will get to know my classmates really well. Humm...yup!
Another thing that scared me is NJC ( the school isn't scary, the broading system is ) I mean...i have never gone to a broading school before. ( the trip to U.S.A? oh...please ) I did went out with school for 2 times without my parents, and i lived with my friends in hotel, but it was supposed to be some learning journey and it was totally different from BROADING!! I would have to stick with my dom-mates 10 hours ( at least, if u add the sleeping time ) per day and 30 (28, or 31) days per month!!! And guess how many months are there in one year? You got it! 12MONTHS! Ah...i guess i might suffocate if i went to NJC. But then~~~it could be called an experience, too. Probably not a wonderful one, but it make ppl learn soomething. Mum stayed in broading school, too. ( in high school and university ) She says it train ppl to be stronger and smarter. ( oh...it that true? ) And she encouraged me to be dependent. How can i refuse her? If i really happened to go to NJC, i guess i would just have to try my best ( to survive? that sounds scary ) and if i am going to any other school, i will try my best too!!

Is it time?

After exams,it's just all fun.Malacca,uno,maplestory,handphone,inter-class and inter-school.(well...despite the fact that our school lost the inter-school,i would still consider that as a form of enjoyment).I was bored and unsatisfied long time ago.Come to think about it,i would rather want busy revisions and homework then this relexing schedule.Really,when i am playing this and that,i felt that i have lost something,something important to me.I hate this feeling.It is a concoction of confusion and fear.I feared that one day when i remenber this leisure time,i would regret myself for having such a long break.I know it by heart,and yet i don't want to give the fun up.
Momo say today is the last day of school.She said that we will never meet each other afterwards.It was pretty upsetting,but we just have to face it.I have no idea what will be waiting for me,but i should not give myself up now.I know that i am not perfect.I was stubbon and naughty,and sometimes childish.I was scared of loneliness,and a bit bad-tempered.I hate betrayal,i hate unfairness,but i wasn't fair all the time either.Maybe there are two people inside me.One is on the justice's side while the other is selfish and annoying.When they act together,everything seem to be fine but when one of them outraged the other,i become unbalanced.I live in a world that can be called neither fair or unfair.I see the world spinning and the people changing.However,it is nothing that we can do about.That's why,i decided that i should at least do my best.I should at least be a person that have the ability to help this world.I am not sure that i can do it all by one person's strength,for i am neither superman or wonderwomen.However,there must be a start.It can anyone.And i,am going to move towards my believe.

不能说的秘密

昨天看了不能说的秘密。报纸上说这部戏任显生嫩，毕竟是周董的处女作，可是奇怪的是，我并没有在意这些，因为已经有了悲伤结局的心理准备，我淡然地看了下去，可是没想到，原来最后的结局是快乐美好的。。。

我没有哭，很高兴自己没有哭。我讨厌自己如此动情地模样，仿佛中了谁的圈套，明明知道这是编剧的可恶，可仍无法调节心理，就好像早上醒来虽然知道自己要迟到了却仍舍不得起床的感觉。

我决不是小雨的那种性格，温柔文雅，还带着一些忧郁。也只有碰见JAY的时候，小雨才会打开心中的那扇窗，拥抱窗外的阳光。看得出来，小雨是真心喜欢JAY的。她不是一个活泼明媚的学生，可是却是个痴情的女生。当看到她孤独无助地哭泣时，我暗暗地感到心痛，我总以为自己不会像她一样傻，可是在爱情面前又有谁是理智的呢。。。我们都是受了伤的刺猬，为了更好地保护自己而刺痛别人。小雨就是那一只刺猬，伤痕累累，到最后连爱都不敢相信。别人都以为她很坚强，很勇敢，可是他们又怎么会知道最疼是小雨呢？当JAY在悲伤地弹琴时，他又怎么会知道小雨在窗口默默地流泪呢？误会，可恶的误会，就是这一件件的误会撕碎了小雨和JAY脆弱的执着。

还好，他们的是那么的深，以至于JAY由忧郁化为的勇敢。他不是个死心塌地的人，可是他是坚持的。他还没有和她说他爱她，他还没牵她的手，他还没陪她一起看日出，看日落，幸福地度过一生。这些，他都没有做到，可是他相信他能够做到。就算它们之间相差二十年，就算他们是不同时代的人，就算她一次又一次地误解了他，他还是爱她的，而她也无法忘记他。相爱的人不一定能在一起，可是这要坚持了，努力了，就算最终没有在一块儿，也无悔。而他们在结尾时，终于得以守护于彼此的身边。

back from malaysia.

Yeah,finally we are back in singapore.
I'm not saying that malaysia is not good,it is just that when u are away from ur old environment,u just couldn't help but miss it.However,i did have a lot of fun at malaysia.
Well,the fun includes the shopping,too.I bought dozens of cute accessories and food.Actually they can all be bought from singapore or china or anyplace else,but i enjoy the freedom of shopping.I can chose what i want and buy it without further thinking or worry,and i don't have to worry about the saving money part because i know i can spend what i want.Also,it was nice to browse with my friends.They gave u opinions and advices and u don't necessarily have to listen to them all the time!haha...Anyways,the journey was interesting and exciting and the arrangement was proper and appropriate( except the hotel-air-cond-so-cold and the arrive-at-singapore-so-late part )Luckily i brought my handphone with me the whole journey or i will be bored to death!It was just so noisy on the bus and there was nothing to do but sleep without music and uno cards( and eating ).
Talking about sleeping,coco have sent me pictures of ppl sleeping.( Clara, Shiying, LinLaoShi...)Lol, they all sleep with a style.I wonders if anyone took picture of me sleeping( i hope it won't be awful ) but to think about it again,who cares!Take then take lor.
We also fought for showering order,and at last we decided that scissors paper stone will be the best solution.Lol.( before we realise about the hair-dryer )and i found out that coco like to watch violent TV shows and nono hate noises.
The food was nice and just enough for all of us.( Mrs Chiam still say have to play game to eat food,i think that rule doesn't work for our table cos there wasn't much food left afterall ) and i just loved the breakfast at the hotel( but i didn't really take much due to the awkward staring from coco and nono )I also learnt one thing from the trip,it is There Is A Lot Of Ants Plus Mosquitoes Plus Spiders At The Village.I also bought a beautiful necklace. ( LinLaoShi bought a funny fan-hat that can a hat and a fan )The lunch was awesome,too!Guess what,buffet!!( not the Mrs Chiam's buffet )Guess again,free ice-cream!!!( but somebody also bought ice-cream )Guess for the third time,I took everything in my sight!!!!( except the salad )Lol,haha.After that,we went back to bus and set off for singapore.
So,it was kinda fun,hor?Well,i don't know.But when we were heading for malaysia,i thought that maybe this trip would be the final time.After a few weeks,we would be separate,and we would head for different paths.I wasn't saying this just for the sake of expressing,but talking about this seriously.I don't hate this class,and i don't love it.When staying in this group,i have witnessed many unfair things and also many kind acts.This world was an unfair world itself,but at the same time a beautiful place.I would rather believe it is beautiful then to think of it as an ugly,dirty,injustice one.I would rather chose to do something meaningful and helpful rather then hurting or harming.Maybe it was just my idealistic thoughts and will one day turn into practical thinking,but at least i faced it.I faced the fact that we are all changing and i faced the truth that we are leaving each other.I wasn't an extremely brave person,i wasn't an extremely smart person,either.l was just i,a girl who had dreams and believes,a girl who wanted to be happy.It was pretty simple,and true,just like life was supposed to be simple and true,of course,for a happy person.