SAD SAD DAY

TODAY IS SUCH A SAD DAY, WE SCREWED UP OUR PERFORMANCE, (THERE ARE MANY FACTORS INVOLVED, SO I SHOULD JUST FORGET ABOUT THAT) AND AFTER A TIRING DAY OUTSIDE, I WENT HOME AND ATE MY DINNER FOR 30 MINUTES. AND THEN THE RESULT IS OUT....WE DIDN'T GET IN =.= i just feel like fucking the world when i see the result, especially when i know perfectly that i deserve to win. i hate this fact. i hate this feeling, i hate everything that has slipped from my hands, but there's nothing i can do right now. It's like i'm forever on this cycle of failure, forever struggling to get to the top, forever trying so hard but failing again. I have no idea how i manage to be so stupid, but i just did. I was so fucking disappointed in myself that i cried. Maybe this trauma will take a super long time to recover, but after all this time, after all the effort, i just thought that i would get something in return, and not just an empty email box. i don't want those broken hearts and lies anymore, i wish that things can be changed, not for the world, but for me. It's not fair how i lost my dream, my motivation, how am i supposed to continue like this? how am i supposed to smile like nothing happened, when the best part of me is gone? i will never be able to face others the same way as before, i would become a coward, even more cowardly than i already was. PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS TO BE, GOD, IF YOU CAN EVER HEAR ME. DON'T TAKE AWAY MY SOLE MOTIVATION, MY SOLE DREAM AND PASSION, DON'T LET ME FALL SO HARD, GIVE ME HOPE TO RISE UP AGAIN, EVEN IF IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS, I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW, AND I PRAY FOR YOUR GUIDANCE.